Luminance
by mirageangel
Summary: He is the darkness, she is the light. Can they ever be together again? Can they hold on? Figure out who the characters are and send a review. (MF)
1. Luminance 1

Do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

**Luminance**

"My love, I know you probably won't hear this, but this is the end. I am truly sorry for everything I have caused you. I hope one day you'll understand and forgive me. I will always love you."

She bent down and gently kissed him on the forehead one last time. She saw one single tear that left her eye wither on his pale cheek Than, without hesitation, she silently got up, and without turning back, shut the door behind her.

At the sound of the door closing, his eyes sprung open. He had heard her every word. His own tears that were now mixed with hers were freely running down his soft skin.

"I'm sorry too," he said. He felt his soul, heart, his insides crumbling and twisting. He knew that she will never return to him again, for she took one thing that always kept her coming back. It was very simple, and yet so important. The single possession was nothing expensive, it was just her plain ring made of white gold that was given to her a long time ago by a friend. He never wanted to let her go, do she gave him her ring with a promise that as long as it stays by his side, she will always have a reason to come back to him, for she could never leave or separate from it.

That is how he knew that she'll never come back. With her she took all the memories of the times they had together. She took everything that belonged to him. There will never be a reason for her to come back to the grand mansion where the cold and dark person resides, unwanted by everybody and everything. Only she the one true luminance, the sunshine and the brightness that gave out light where there was only darkness, only his beautiful lady was the one who ever loved and understood him unconditionally.

But he knew why she left. Even though he might have denied it in his mind, his soul and his cold heart knew the truth. With him she was like a caged bird unable to spread her wings and fly freely. He always kept her caged, never letting her out of his sight.

From the very first time he saw her he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She captured his sapphire eyes, and from the on, they held on to hers as if she was the most fragile substance. He truly fell in love.

That is why they call it falling of course, falling deep into an oblivion of very little happiness and lots of darkness. When there is nothing else to ever see, no one else to notice or care about except for her is how he always thought of this feeling. Perhaps if not the coldness that constantly surrounded his beautiful and graceful features he would love her differently, with more passion and heat.

The truth was nevertheless that heat and cold never procured either warmth or coolness, just something vague in between. And because, since the time he was little, he has never experienced love, he did not quite understand it.

Gradually his extreme obsession grew into possessiveness. He always wanted her by his side and no other. But she, a young gorgeous woman, was never used to not being able to fly freely. And even though she loved him greatly, she felt like she had to give him up. That was one o the most difficult choices of her life.

For her it was either freedom or the lazuline eyes that were possessed by a complete opposite of the man of her dreams.

The resplendent, vernal woman was now walking down the wet empty streets. The scenic design of the small shops was showing through the thick window glass. It was past one o'clock when only a few strangers traveled down the abandoned streets.

It was raining the whole night and she in all likelihood would still be sleeping in the large bed of now the person of her past. She has always favored the rain, its wet sounds and sparkling colors and the sound of it tricking down the window glass.

Only he, he did not like the rain, he hated it. It reminded him of the bad memories of his unfortunate past. Often he stirred in his sleep when the rain fell. Although for her, it was not such a bad thing. Most of the time, when the pale man slept next to her she was oftentimes afraid. There was always a frightened and a disgusted feeling in the pit of her stomach.

When he slept, she often checked for his pulse to see if he was alive, for it seemed that death had taken over him. He never stirred, never made a sound; it seemed that not even breathed. His pale skin and delicate but dark features radiated under the moonlight as those of a dead creature.

It seemed as if he was just brought in from the morgue with is facial makeup ready and about to be buried deep underground. The one and only detail missing from his deadly image was a black suit and a pair of dress pants.

That was why when it rained, and he stirred it made her content to know that he was indeed alive.

But of course there was also the bad part of the rain. It was almost as if he hated it she hated it too. And she did. Now she did. She did because he did. The energetic beauty used to love the sound of water, now it was only replaced by the sound or his pain, fear, and above all hatred, the hatred that ran deep within his veins.

He never told her about it though, about his past. He was of course straight about it; he said he did not trust her enough. If she had said that she understood, that would have been a lie, because she did not.

After all how could she, if the was nothing like him; like an angel and a demon, nothing in common, and yet so much.

Should I continue perhaps? Should I not? Please write and review.


	2. Luminance 2

**Luminance**

It's five o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep, think, or even breathe anymore. The complete feeling of emptiness now grows stronger and stronger within me.

I am currently holding a glass of Bourbon Rye Whiskey in my cold, sweaty hands. The worst part is that I cannot escape my misery. Everything that is present in my bedroom reminds me of her. The scent of her soft light blossomy perfume still remains in this room.

The few photographs that she took a while back are still on the dark wooden table by the window. Her bright energetic face is smiling at me, while mine has a deep, solemn look. I never allowed her to take anymore pictures after those few, because I believed that memories have nothing to do with the present or the future. Probably because of my unfortunate past, I do not want to sit for hours staring at a lost face in the photograph.

I wish that to some degree he was here with me, the other person in my life that is now gone forever. He, the one and only who lit up my life until she came along. But of course the death of my parent and the rape from by stepfather has obviously not been enough sacrifice for the heavens.

No, the greedy gods and goddesses wanted far more than just that. They wanted my whole life to become a dead end with no escape. A couple days after my seventeenth birthday, they took away the most precious person in my life. The one I always cherished, my little sunshine.

I remember the night very vividly, as though it just happened yesterday.

/flashback/

It was a weary night, and I had a bad premonition just like the day my father and mother died. It was the first time ever that I actually replied to the choffer that I'd rather take a walk this evening.

As I was slowly passing a few people on the dark streets of the city, it started to rain. Rain had always been my delight. In my opinion, it was rather splendiferous. The tiny drops of water were spilling on my face as I walked, gradually picking up my pace.

Something in the air was very peculiar. I suppressed the sudden urge to scream, for someone, or something, I did not know. It suddenly felt so uneasy as if I was standing in the middle in an upcoming hurricane, not being able to move out of the way.

My feet guided me somewhere I did not even realize. I have never even walked down the streets before, and yet looked like an expert, knowing every curve of the black cement.

I abruptly realized that I was standing in a park by the bay. It was not a large park, and yet in was so nice and clean. It felt lie I had a blackout concerning my whereabouts, and most of all how I had gotten here.

My thoughts were in interrupted as I heard someone call out my name. And not just n ordinary someone, it was my little sunshine. His tiny voice was chirping my name so swiftly, as he ran towards me across the street. And yet I could not ignore the deep sadness and worry that was now making itself known in my heart and my soul.

My mind, unfortunately told me that there is no danger, for how could there be any if he is headed right towards me with his slender arms tangling in the air and ready for a hug.

Everything happened wither just a few seconds. What seemed to be turning out as a great day, tuned into the most horrific tragedy in my life.

Before I knew it, before my mind took in the information of the unexpected evens, his thin small, body had lying nonmoving and cold on the ground.

As I finally realized what had just happened, my body shook violently as I fell to the ground and everything went black.

/End flashback/

I took a long a long sip of whiskey from my glass and poured myself more. Without realizing that my sadness had shown itself and the hot, watery tears were running fleetly down my hurtful face, tracing every curve of my bony cheeks, and falling on the soft, white carpet.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sound that I now despised the most, the sound of the rain. As I leaned my head back against the mattress of my bed, I ascended back my memory line.

/Continue flashback/

The few hours after the accident have been a blur. I found myself waking up of a hospital bed, when a nurse came in and said something remotely close to me passing out.

When I asked her about him though, she did not give me an answer, just an uneasy look. A couple minutes later, a doctor came in with an overly big, fake smile plastered on his greasy, middle-aged face.

I remember myself thinking two things at that moment First, regarding his large smile, was that by that time, they already obviously knew who I was, because no doctor could have a smile like that at the end of the day, after taking care in numerous patients, unless of course he was some sort of a superficial robot.

Second thing that immediately popped in my head was than something was not right. And as I so cleverly guessed, it was not.

When I asked the doctor about my sunshine, my little dark- haired boy, his smile immediately vanished and turned into a scowl. He did not answer for what seemed to be the longest time, and since there was some strange sort of medicine they had put me on, I was unable to argue with him about not getting my answer.

He than put his hand on mine comfortingly, and said something about being deeply sorry. He told me that after he was hit by the car, he was brought in the hospital for surgery, but there was nothing anyone could do.

The reality hit me hard. What I thought could never happen, just did. The doctor just told me indirectly that he died. He died. He died. No, No, No., No, I was screaming in my head and than out loud. No how could that be! It is not possible! I refused to believe.

As I was yelling and thrashing about, the nurse injected another medicine into the base of my hand and I fell into another series of deep sleep.

/flashback…to be continued/

Like it, like it not, review and tell me. You must have already realized who the little "sunshine" is.


	3. Luminance 3

Author's notes:Thank you, and write more reviews.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

Rated for: slight language, gloomy moments

Enjoy!

**Luminance**

It feels lonely. When raindrops fall from the sky above. I used to love rain. I used to adore it. Now, it carries nothing but bad memories of my past. Nothing else to be considered.

Sitting now by the windowsill of my friends' game shop, thinking about previous events of my life makes me wonder what I did wrong. Why did I deserve this heartbreak? No one deserves such pain. Not even your worst enemies. I love him, and yet I feel like I'll never be surrounded by the warmth that his body radiated. I'll never be wrapped in his arms, nor will I ever see his deep eyes.

His eyes. They were always surprisingly cold. Even with me he was so cold. I knew he loved me. I felt it. But he never told me. He just looked at me with an emotionless face. He rarely said anything unless I asked him or said it first. We rarely talked. Usually we just had sex. Yes, sex. There is no other way to call it.

I used to be a romantic and still am. But any physical activity with him was not called making love like some chose to say, it was sex, plain and raw. It felt like he just used me most of the time for his own pleasure and convenience. Like he used my body similarly to that of a broken doll to fuck, and throw away, nothing more, nothing less.

It hurt me a lot. Until recently, I could not even leave him unless my friends got more and more persisting. I knew I had to leave. I feel so pathetic now, sitting here, while thinking all these thoughts and wanting to go back desperately. I am afraid to though, afraid that he'll kill me. He hurt me before…very badly.

It wasn't only the emotional pain all the time. It was also physical. It stared couple months after we decided to live together. Rather he decided it. He persisted constantly until I finally gave in, although it didn't take much swaying on his part. I was already in love with him from the first time I saw him. It was probably because I am such a lifelike, energetic, person…or at least I used to be. I knew it from the start that I loved him. What I didn't know however, is that he was the complete and utter opposite of every single thing that I stood for. My very existence was completely different from his. That's why it was so painful. He probably just needed something to fill in the empty space in his life, just someone to justify his needs. I wouldn't have all those scars on my almost lifeless body if it wasn't so.

First, it stared as a minor slap, nothing much. For me, it was everything. We didn't see each other for a week after that, he apologized and promised to never do such things again, and nothing was farther from the truth. One thing my mother always told me when she was still alive was that if a person does something bad once, they will do it again. But she was referring to lying. When she told me that, she was just teaching her little girl to never lie and always speak the truth. How was she to know that that rule might ever apply to anything else in my life?

So he kept doing it. Like an addiction. Something to soothe his damaged mind and cold heart. Something to let out his pinned up frustration. He hit me, he cut me, he shoved me, all the time. Until he saw I couldn't take it anymore, until my fair skin was purple with scars, until crimson blood from his hands covered my face. I remember how tears of pain drowned my pale features. Yet, he never stopped at that, rarely. He took a scalpel then, and not just any ordinary scalpel. He bought it particularly for this very purpose. He cut my back deep. He left scars right above my lower back cutting deeper and deeper each time. He did it slowly and gently, almost s if he didn't want to hurt me, to touch my skin with his hands. No, just the scalpel. He believed that he didn't hurt me, it was only the sharp metal object that did all the work. I must have dozens of cuts everywhere. Once one healed, he made sure that a new one took its place, a more abysmal one.

Yet, I never abandoned him. Not only did I love him with all that I posses, and I still do, I felt sorry for him. I pitied him. He needed that. He never told me, and yet that is why he wanted me to stay with him all the time. He did not want to be alone. I hugged him firmly, and comforted him all those rainy nights. That is the only time he didn't do it. He didn't hurt me. That's the only time he allowed me to help him, to hold him, to make it feel better.

I wanted to help him so much that I didn't care about what would happen to me anymore. I took myself completely out of the picture. Only he mattered. Everything in my life revolved around him now. I didn't talk to my friends, to the people I previously knew, I didn't even go to school anymore. He didn't allow me to. He didn't want to let me go. Most of the time we stayed inside his huge palace. A palace perfectly fit for him. His mansion. His power. He loved power over others. To control them, he did anything.

He even killed. Yes, he murdered people before. Got it covered up. Told no one but me. I don't know why he told me, but it made cling on to him even more. When I felt pain, I felt I was being unfair to him. Him, the person who suffered more that me in his life. That is what I always used to explain his actions. To myself, to my friends, to my mother in heaven.

Everything was taken away from him. His parents, his childhood which he was so cruelly robbed of, and the worst thing, the one and only family he possessed, his baby brother. I never knew him, and yet I feel I know all about him. The endless ramblings of all those sleepless nights made me understand, and know. His little brother was the one and only streak of light left in his cheerless life. He was the one and only person to make it better for him. To make him laugh. To make him silly. To make his lose the barriers around his heart. How could the angels be so cruel? How could they have been so jealous as to take the soul of the man who deserved it the most? How could they have led him to the heaven's door at such an early time?

No one deserves such fate in their lives. Immediately after the tragic occurrence, the walls around the ice figure tripled. They have never been let down since. Even when he rambled, he never cried. When I told him to, he ignored my request. It would make it better if he cried. He never did. Not once. I did. When I listened to his sorrowful winding, it made my heart clench as if it was squeezed by the strongest hand in the universe. Even thought it was just mere, pointless talk, he said more than he ever had. He opened the doors to his locked up mind. That was the only thing that guided him now.

Oftentimes I felt like he could really open up to me, not just ramble, but seriously talk about it. It seemed so close he came, but I was wrong. He always restrained himself from saying a word. Never speaking more than he had to and never again mentioning those rainy nights. Never.

As I came back to reality, I watched the raindrops pour down the wet glass more slowly and gently now. The streets were bathed in the comfort of the rain, clean and shiny. The people were walking by more frequently. Women and men alike were all wearing similar black coats, their faces looking down mindlessly on the wet cement, their hair and body shielded by the unattractive colors of their umbrellas. Why would anyone want to be protected from rain when it send out such radiant happiness and glow? Maybe they all shared the same agonizing lives. Every single one of them. Until late, I did not think that it would ever be possible for me to be so dull and sorrowful.

I averted my gaze to what seemed to catch the corner of my eye. Although covered by the branches of the tall pine tree, I could still somewhat vaguely see a small figure beneath the narrow, evergreen leaves. As the small form shifted slightly, a little girl came in sight. A bright smile covered her innocent face, two ponytails of brown hair were tied up by silky, white ribbons, her fragile body was dressed in the same, silky, white colored dress, and a pair of shiny white sandals concealed bases of her feet. She looked like a charming princess from the story of Snow White.

I noticed then, that she was looking at something intensively, as if waging her choice of actions. I followed her curious gaze to a sand box which she had been so carefully observing. It was hidden under a striped roof, to prevent the rain from soaking the golden sand. I understood that the girl was contemplating on weather or not to go play. The child was concerned about her new, white dress getting dirty, and the worry of being scolded later traced her face. She cleverly sided against, as I watched her pick up a dry sheet of newspaper and put it on the seat of the slightly wet swing that stretched a bit under the tree. Yet, I could see her well. She said down carefully, making sure her dress was properly tucked under. When she was seated, her petite fingers grasped the metal chains that ran along both sides of her, and streaked her small legs down the rocky path underneath her swinging herself with sight force. Her swinging increased as she briskly swung her legs back and forth.

I found myself wondering if she had been there alone. It saw a cold, rainy day, and I didn't want the girl to get lost, or find some sort of trouble. The thought evaded my mind as I noticed a tall, thin woman approaching the little girl. She looked young, in her mid twenties perhaps. The girl resembled her somewhat, even though I couldn't see her face since she was standing with her back to my face. They were probably assumed as sisters most of the time, and I might have thought similarly, but their small age gap did not deceive me. I knew by heart that the brown haired woman was her mother. They had reminded me of my mother and I. Our age difference was even less. My mother had me at a young age of seventeen, as to which the girl's mother looked more to twenty.

The tall woman took the girl's hand lightly as she pushed her more closely, to put a translucent rain coat on her. I was interrupted from my thoughts a bit as I heard faint footsteps rising up the stairs to the second floor, and closer to my room. I ignored them for a moment, and looked back at the girl. Unexpectedly, just as her mother put the coat on her, she looked up, meeting my gaze, as our eyes clashed together. She smiled at me as though knowing I was there all this time. I stared at the child bewildered, cracking a hesitant grin myself.

Abruptly, the innocence of her beautiful blue eyes stung my heart, as I broke the gaze, and turned away from the window. Her large blue eyes reminded me of him, except he'll never have eyes like those. Nice, sweet, passionate, loving… never.

I pushed back my tears, as I heard someone finally walk in, closing the door behind them softly. As I looked up, I saw a tall, solemn figure of my spike haired friend. He looked down on me pensively noticing my wistful look, and my watery eyes.

Without meeting his eyes, I felt him sit down next to me releasing a deep sigh as he with caution placed his arm over my right shoulder. Yet, I was not seeking his comfort, nor his pity. When he felt me tense up he pulled his arm away, and just sat there lost distantly in his own thoughts.

I suddenly remembered the girl. Turning my body on the windowsill, I shifted back towards the window, my fixated gaze searching mindlessly for the little girl, to the place where she stood near the playground. My pitiful mind was strangely hoping to meet her sapphire eyes one more time.

But the girl was already gone.

To be continued…..

What did you think? I admit, it is a long chapter full of big paragraphs, but I like it that way. Write reviews. The more you write, the sooner I update. Until next time.

kisses,

mirageangel

! näkemiin !


	4. Luminance 4

Author's notes: Thanks for the reviews, write again!

Disclaimer: Do not own Yu-gi-oh.

Rated for: Language

Enjoy!

**Luminance**

Fuck. It's raining again. Even harder than before. I try to work, but my fingers refuse to comply.

I close my laptop and walk back over to my bed. I move my trembling hands over the lazuline sheets, my fingers lingering over them lightly. The place where we had sex. The place where we made love. Love. What is that? I was always thought that love was an unnecessary emption. I believed that.

Many times I look back and think. Maybe it would have all been different. Maybe I could love. But what the fuck is the point of thinking that? Useless. Death f my parents, orphanage, early adulthood, my baby brother's death, and finally the great finale, Gozaburo. Pain. All those things made sure that there was no room left for anything else. Just cold, raw pain.

When I think back on my life, I can remember the bad things with a blink of an eye. It's the good thing I have trouble with. Good things. What good things? There are none. My sunshine's death erased all of them. Everywhere I think about all the happiness we shared, I turn to tears. The thought that I'll never hold him again, I'll never see his smile…I thought of committing suicide.

But I could not. Not because I didn't want to, but because I promised. I promised. When we were little, in the orphanage, we made a pinky swear that no matter what happens to one another, we'll never let go. We'll keep living. We'll never let go of each other. We'll always be together. I knew Mokie would not want me to do this.

I stare at the gun in my hands. How easy. How easy it is to just take away your life. It seems that any moment now, it'll make all better. And all the things, All the questions, will find their answer. Just forget about your past. Forget about the live you lived. Just do it. That's what I always though.

The best way of death. The gun to my head. The cool feeling of the metal pressed against my skull. Just let go. Just pull the trigger. And you'll see him again. Easy and painless. Instant death. I can see the headlines now. Billionaire Seto Kaiba committed suicide in the quarters of his home. They'll forget about it in a week. I could do it right now.

What's the point of having all this money? What's the point of living? What' the point of breathing everyday? All those questions came to mind when I was left completely alone. I regret it now. All those times he wanted me to stay at home. To play with him. Or just to be with him. To feel the human warmth.

But I. I pushed him away like he was nothing to me. I told him I didn't have time. I said to leave me alone. 'Don't bother me I said. Go play with your toys. What do you want from me? Don't you see I have work to do? What's wrong with you!'

How could I? How dare I? We played all the time in the orphanage. Then Gozaburo came. But I'd be even more of a weakling if I blame him. No. It's my fault. I made those decisions. I didn't have to be like Gozaburo. No one made me. I was and I am like that on my own. Completely on my own.

I hate myself. I despise myself. How could I be so cruel to my own little brother? My world. My soul. My everything.

And then she came. I screwed her life up too. It made me feel better about myself. I put that anger and sadness and blame on someone else. By hurting her, I hurt everyone who ever hurt me. Like a payback. Only that wasn't enough. Never enough.

I still couldn't feel satisfied. It angered me even more when I thought about her feeling pity for me. No, I don't need pity. I need revenge. For my brother, for my own life. I needed to hurt her deeper to feel better. To feel her body writhe. Ignoring her love. Ignoring her pain. What a bastard I am.

I stood up and put the gun down on the nightstand. I crossed the room and poured myself some more whiskey or brandy…who cares as long as it's alcohol. As long as I drown in its strong taste. And forget even if for a while. I'm seriously becoming addicted. Good. Maybe I can kill myself this way and not get blamed for it. Yes, excellent idea. I don't have anyone now. Not that I want to. My friendly bottle of whiskey will keep me company.

I took a long gulp from the bottle not even bothering to pour it into a glass. I'll die quicker this way. Whoever invented whiskey must have been pretty fucked up too.

I lost balance and fell on the hard wooden floor. Shit. I'll never get up now. It doesn't matter. Sunshine isn't here, she isn't here. There's no one to care anymore. It's good that she left. She probably deserves better anyway. Someone who'll love her. Whatever that is. She's probably at the shrimp's gameshop now. She always runs to them. No where else to go. Just like me. I just prefer to be alone.

It's stupid having someone help solve your problems when they can't even solve their own. Like Yami. I hate him. But even then, I can't help but feel sorry for him a bit. Yugi developed an early stage of tuberculosis. Sucks for him. Shouldn't have been breathing where he wasn't supposed to. He deserves it anyways. He'll probably die soon too. I guess we're all in the same boat. We're all fucked up.

Bakura has a couple major sexually transmitted diseases from what she told me. Not surprising. He jumps someone new every night. Damn, being immortal and having that for the rest of your undying life is pretty bad. He's a retard anyways. Waste of pure oxygen. He probably passed it on to Marik.

I think I gulped up two whole bottles of whiskey by now…or is it three? Everything's spinning round and round. I need to buy some more of this stuff. This is goood.

I stare at the ceiling. It's pretty. It's spinning round and round like a merry go round. I took Mokie to one of those once. Back when I wasn't yet a workaholic. I'm an alcoholic and I'm a workaholic. It rhymes.

I remember the carousel was so colorful. Red and white stripes on top and the little horses all around . Beautiful. The melody I remember also. Vaguely thought. And his shining face. His bright smile. His happy eyes.

'Big brother. Go with me. I like the blue horse. Which one do you like?'

Tears trickle down the sides of my cold face, burning me. Hurting me. Why can't you come back? Mokuba. Mokuba. I'm so sorry, little brother. Mokie…I'm so very sorry.

I curled up and pressed my knees to my chin. I pray that when the morning light shines through…I'll be dead.

/to be continued…/

Write your comments and thoughts about this chapter. Seto is feeling more and more depressed. Will he die or will he live to see some light shining through his life at the end of the road? What do you think?

Till next time.

kisses,

mirage

! valete !


	5. Luminance 5

Author's notes: Thanks for the reviews, write again!

Disclaimer: Do not own Yu-gi-oh.

Rated for: Language, slight drugs

Enjoy!

**Luminance**

'Are you okay?' I hear the voice of my friend. 'No' I respond. It doesn't make me feel good saying this to him, but it's the truth. I don't feel okay. Not anymore. Not in a long while.

How can I? I still love him. I want to be with him. Maybe I should just go somewhere. Leave this city. I have always wanted to live in Tokyo. It used to be for totally different reasons though. Now, I just want to get lost there. Blend in with the crowd. Or maybe I just want to flee.

I smile. Mom always said that running from your problems is never the answer. 'You should always confront your difficulties, not run from them.' She used to say. I'm sorry I'm weaker than you, mom. I'm sorry but no matter what I do, I can't seem to solve this problem. No matter which way I go, it's a dead end. When it comes to him, nothing goes right.

I look around the room sadly. This gameshop, this room, so many happy memories. It seems they all went down the drain. I remember when we celebrated Yami's 5005th birthday. That was funny. We had the big cake, and happy 5005th on it and Bakura made fun of Yami saying that he's a walking corpse on wooden sticks. He actually got him a cane for his birthday! A cane! Yami was so furious that he threw it right back at him hitting him in the eye with it, and we had to get an ambulance. That was the not the funny part. 'The damn tomb robber deserves it. He should get worse for insulting me like that. Besides, he's the same age as me. Damn thief'. Yami said. But we could all the slight vexation in his eyes. Yeah, those were actually the good times.

Then, everything just flew right out the window. The laughter, the smiles, the joy. Instead, it was all replaced by sadness, burden and tears. Everything. Yugi became sick, Bakura got his bad news, grandpa Moto died that year following my mom, Tristan got a girl pregnant, and everything we had built all our lives just demolished in a blink of an eye. That's all it took. Building a life takes time, determination, and hard work. Destroying it just takes one blow. Like a card house. Take one wrong move and everything falls.

It all happened merely in a year. I guess it's true what they say. The way you spend New Years' Eve is the way you spend the whole year. Ours wasn't exactly pleasant. Getting drunk somewhere, passing out, blacking out. Getting caught up in a night of drugs, alcohol and sex. Not a good way to spend the most important holiday of the year. No, not at all.

Tristan will be a father soon. He used to tell me that the day he'll become a husband and the day he'll have a child will be the best and most memorable days of his life. Not exactly how he imagined for it to end up. Sure, he'll soon be a father, but never a husband, and never happy. It'll change him forever. He'll never be the same.

The girl is not exactly proper. To say it plainly, she's a slut. Just some whore he picked up. I haven't seen him smile in months. Not once. He always looks so tired and worn out. I guess he'll get a real job soon. He won't go to school. The worst thing is, the mother of their yet unborn child is probably going to leave him after birth. Then, he's on his own. How did he get in this shit.

I take a deep breath. I hold it in for as long as I can. I can feel my throat burn, and I'm getting lightheaded. My head starts to spin. Yami can't notice since he's so caught up in his own thoughts. I wonder if you can die by holding your breath. With my luck, probably not. I let go. New air fills my lungs. There so much air out there in the world. So much used air. As if we're borrowing it. One person breathes it out one breathes it in. It's cycle. Except we don't really ask 'Hey, can I borrow your air, I'm out.'

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. Something that I thought will never sneak into my mind. Death. It's weird. What will I do after I die? What I'm really afraid of is though is that nothing will happen. What if nothing happens? Nothing at all? Time stops, and you can't go forward nor back?

That's what I feel like when I'm in this place too. In the gameshop or at the mansion. Nothing happens. Time stops. Air doesn't move. Everything's quiet. The outside world is like a twilight zone. If you reach out, or just whisper, it'll vanish.

That's why I like to go outside. It's like a salvation. To see movement. People going somewhere. People breathing. People smiling and frowning. Showing emotion. Because right now, everyone around me lost their way, lost their light. They're trapped just like me. When one door closed, no other door opened. Will we ever be able to open the locked doors?

I got up from the windowsill. I looked at Yami. I don't want to burden him further with my presence, but I don't have anywhere else to go. He knows. He understands. He gives me another pity look, and I sigh. I walked out of the room, closing the door. Another closed door.

I walked downstairs. Everything looks like it always does. In fact, if you didn't know what was going on for the past couple of months, you wouldn't have noticed that something changed. The violet couch and its lavender pillows are in the same spot, the small, brick chimney, the happy faces on the walls, and couple streaks of light shining trough the small glass window above the door. Nothing has changed to the outer eye.

It's all inside. The house has lost its soul. It lost its brightness. It's just a house now. It used to be so much more. Where friends could share their joy and despair. Their happy moments and a comforting shoulder. A place where you felt home no matter what. Not anymore.

Everything turned to past memories now. Just something one can look back on and say 'Hey, that was me once. I hardly remember.'

Nobody comes here anymore. Marik and Malik have their own problems to deal with, Yugi and Yami go to doctor visitations all the time, Bakura locked himself out, Ryou moved on with his life and away from Bakura, Tristan will soon have a baby to take care of, Joey I don't even see anymore.

Last thing I've heard form him was that he hangs out at the Red Dragon. A gloomy place. They sell lots of drugs there. Cocaine, Heroine, Ecstasy, you name it. I guess he's an addict now. He hardly goes to school, and when he does, it's usually with black spots under his eyes, with a hangover, not even aware of his surroundings.

He fights a lot too. Beats up people for money, or rather they him. He's involved in that a lot now. Money, drugs, he definitely doesn't have that sweet, innocence that shined through his golden eyes. Now his eyes are the color of deep brown mixed with a dirty gray. He doesn't acknowledge or talk to us. And we don't really try anymore. As I said, we all have our problems to deal with.

We're all selfish now. We're all dirty. We're all hurt.

/to be continued…/

Write your comments and thoughts on this chapter. Tell me what you think. Their lives are not the same. What do you think will happen to whom? Tell me your predictions.

Till next time.

kisses,

mirage

! adeus !


	6. Luminance 6

Author's notes: Hello everyone, and thanks for reviews! First off, thanks for the comments and suggestions. I think Tristan's baby will have the pointy hair. Of course the apple doesn't fall far from the tree so… Second of all, I don't think I'll have Seto dying so soon in the story. What fun would that be? You can't really die from falling asleep while drunk, and Seto has a pretty high tolerance level. Anyways, the way this story is going so far, is that they all seem to be falling apart. Who knows what'll happen in the end. Write more reviews and comments. Thanks, mirage.

Disclaimer: Do not own Yu-gi-oh.

Rated for: Language

Enjoy!

**Luminance**

I woke up today and the first thing that came to my mind when I opened my eyes was 'justice hath come at last, I am ultimately dead'. Yet something felt out of place. 'If I am now lifeless,' I thought, 'why am I staring at white?' I always knew that when I die, I'll most likely end up in hell for all I have done during my worthless life.

I then looked around, and what I mistook as 'life after death' was indeed my own bedroom. My body was aching in all kinds of odd places considering that I slept on a cold hardwood floor, probably tossing and turning all night. Alcohol does have that strange affect on me.

Once again, I assumed I was dead, but no such luck, for I have as usual found myself looking up at my white ceiling after a night of long, nonstop drinking. Someone up there or down there really doesn't want me dead.

I sigh with frustration. I feel better now, or sober at least. Pushing away unhappy memories of the past two days I ran my fingers trough my slick, brown hair, and though about what exactly am I going to do. And in that prospect, I don't mean only with my day, but my life. After all, I have nothing now and seeing how it's that I'm probably going to have to die of natural causes, there's one hell of a long life to live.

What would be the point returning back to school and work anymore? Why did I continue going there after my sunshine's death anyway? There's truly no reason. Perhaps I should think of returning like Pegasus on his stupid island. But than again, if I ever end up like Pegasus, I'd probably suffocate myself. I'm surprised why they didn't lock that old, gray-haired psychopath up yet.

That old bastard. I should have locked him up myself a long time ago because of all the pain and suffering he caused Mokuba. That once again proves how mindless and selfish I have become. I have always felt sorry and guilty about that time in Duelist Kingdom. It has become even more unbearable after his death.

Guilt that is.

I feel guilty for so many things, and yet so many of them I'll never be able to correct. I have always taken much of my life for granted, always working and busing myself with what back then seemed important. But now, I find myself opening my eyes to things that truly matter. Ironically I am opening them too late.

Too late to show them to my brother, too late to experience them myself. The most unfortunate and pathetic part is that it took my own brother's death for me to understand all of this. That's what hurts the most. It is true that one can never know what he has until it is lost. I lost everything, and finally realized that all that I had, all that I needed to be happy was a just one touch away. Now, that touch is nearly impossible. It is not realistic with all that I have myself destroyed. And I find myself reaching an abysmal precipice of darkness and despair. It sucks me in, and yet no one hears, not even looks up as I scream hopelessly for help. And I realize that this is the end.

And yet, what is it an end of? My life? My hope? I have reached a dead-endbut I keep living. Why? I cannot think of one remotely close answer to that question. I also cannot find one thing I can do now. There is nothing now.

Another troublesome matter that bothers me as of late is that I'm now very close to getting locked up with the psycho Pegasus. I know I will be if they find me talking to myself. Then again, I am so lonely that I'm my only company now. No one else to communicate with. I might as well be locked up in a cell block.

The phone starts ringing. I probably shouldn't pick it up, but I do it anyways. 'Mr. Kaiba, thank goodness I finally reached you. We're all so worried about you. You didn't come to the office, and we thought something might have happened and since your brother's accident you haven't been yourself and –' before he could utter another word I slammed down the phone and threw it furiously into the nearest wall.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT, HUH?" I screamed. "YOU DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT ME !" Tears of anger and despair were funning down my white cheeks, as I broke down and fell on the floor.

"I hate all of you! None of you get it! Than I just screamed and screamed in pain throwing anything within my reach at the walls, the door, just anywhere. I felt my fury growing into utter madness.

'They all left me! They all abandoned me! All of them!' I threw another vase into the wall watching it shatter as the pieces of glass fell on the floor.

"EVEN YOU LEFT ME, YOU BITCH!"

'Nooo' I thought 'not for long. Nobody abandons me and gets away with it. I'll kill all of you if I need to, and then I might as well go to hell.' I held on to the desk as I was trying to get up.

'You all think you're so smart, huh? You all think you, can just walk away from me? I'll show you. I'll show all of you how not to fuck with Seto Kaiba. You'll be begging for mercy at my feet. You and your moronic little friends Yugi. You'll all suffer like I have suffered. Ohh yes I'm done crying, this is the last straw.'

I finally got up and opened the shelf in which I put the clip from my gun yesterday. I snapped it back into the gun and looked at it.

'Yes, that's what I'll do. If I can't be happy no one will. I'll get back at all of you.'

I put the gun into my trench coat while putting it on. I smiled sadistically, as a new, strange feeling washed over me.

'I'm doing this for you, Mokuba, little sunshine. We might be together sooner than I thought.' I kissed Mokubas' picture that hung around my neck and went out the door.

'Yami, come out, come out, wherever you are.'

To be continued…

Hey, read and review! Sorry I haven't updated for so long, but no ideas came to my head. I decided to give a new direction to the story, 'Kaiba's gone insane'. Because of his nervous breakdown, he now wants to kill everyone. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Until next time.

kisses,

mirage


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